When you first met your partner, thinking about how much you had your hands all over each other is probably almost cringe-worthy, right?
You couldn’t wait to see each other, you had constant butterflies in your stomach anticipating the next time you’d be together…
A deep conversation with eyes locked always led to a kiss, a touch…
And those touches always led to the bedroom.
But then you chose each other and chose to build a life together.
And living that life took over.
The fact that time somehow didn’t exist in the first several months of your relationship became a very distant memory.
Now it seems like most days all you’re doing is checking the time, following schedules, running around, and collapsing into bed at the end of the day.
Sound familiar?
Look, let’s face it, the beginning of a relationship is different for a reason.
Everything is new, exciting, unknown…
And it would be foolish to say that you can get that feeling back.
Because honestly, you can’t.
Things aren’t new anymore, you know each other all too well, and there’s certainly no question of when you’ll see each other next.
So does that mean that there’s no hope for returning to that cringe-worthy, hands-all-over state??
HELLS NO!
Now, maybe that’s not what you’re going for, maybe you’re happy with a smile and quick eye-roll at how “touchy” you used to be as a couple, and you really don’t feel the need to be making out behind the kitchen pantry door anymore.
Every couple is different, and not everyone wants or needs a quick butt squeeze when they are bending over to load the dishwasher.
But you know every couple does need?
Sex.
If it doesn’t matter to you to hold hands in public, play with each other’s hair while watching tv, give a drive-by kiss on the neck as you’re getting ready in the morning, that’s ok – totally your prerogative.
But you know what’s not ok and what should never be part of your prerogative?
Only using the bedroom for sleeping.
If you’re not finding tons of time for sex right now, I probably just made you cringe again.
I get it, this shit is awkward to talk about.
But if we want to keep the sex hot hot hot, we have to talk about it. There’s no other way around it.
And because I’ve always been comfortable talking about the topics no one else wants to – that’s exactly what I’ll be doing.
So let me first tell you a little story…
In 2012 when I first met my (now) fiancée, we were that couple that made other people uncomfortable (in fact, I’m pretty sure we made just about everyone we knew uncomfortable at one time or another). But we’ve always said that we’d rather make people uncomfortable by seeing how much we love each other, than by arguing or showing any kind of negativity (which we’re also not immune to, but that’s for another post).
All day, every day, we were incredibly physically connected. We couldn’t wait to get back to the bedroom. And there was very little sleep happening there.
But you know what else?
In 2012 my fiancée was a stay-at-home mom to our three kids and I worked full-time out of the house. So, we were in the house all day, every day…steps away from the bedroom at any moment.
And our kids were really young, and they took naps and went to bed early, every day.
Life allowed us the time and attention to truly focus on our relationship – physically and otherwise – nearly all day, every day.
But you can bet how long that lasted…
It’s impossible to keep that up, for countless reasons, one being actual physical exhaustion, but mainly that life changes and we had to change along with it.
I think that’s the part people are sometimes unwilling to accept.
That the change has to happen, it’s inevitable, and it’s not always what you want it to look like.
But the thing is, if you accept the change, you can also figure out a new way to keep the physical intimacy thriving in your life.
It’s not impossible
You love your partner, right?
The thought of not being with them, really and truly, kills you.
You can’t even put into words how connected you feel when you finally do have the time to be physically intimate…and you want that all the damn time.
I get it, I know.
As someone who never thought we would ever lose our cringe-worthy status, I had to admit that we were not impermeable to life’s daily stressors.
And by early 2015, both working two full-time jobs, kids all in school and after-school activities, a new house to manage and care for, pets, etc…
We realized we had lost some of our bedroom magic too.
And we realized we had to do it differently.
Life wasn’t allowing us the time and attention to focus on our relationship in the same way anymore.
We had to start doing the hard work of love, and not assuming it was just going to happen to us and for us.
We couldn’t just let the afternoon turn into dinner time, shower time, kid bedtime, prep for the next day, watch a half hour of tv, and pass out…
Because we wanted more.
And to be completely honest, we didn’t know exactly what that meant, how to go about it, or what exactly we had to do differently.
We just knew we had to do something differently.
And that’s were it all changed for us.
We accepted that if we wanted to chase the feelings from “the beginning”, then we were going to be unsatisfied forever.
Because that’s an impossible dream.
But if we could take on this phase of life, and do it really, really well…
Well then, that’s just about as good as it gets, right?
And right now, that’s what we’re doing, and I’d like to say we’re doing it pretty damn well.
We stopped trying to find the time and started choosing the time.
We stopped feeling pressured and started focusing on pleasure.
We reminded ourselves that the best part about “the beginning” wasn’t because it was new…
It was because we had finally found the personal that lit us up from the inside out.
And have committed to keeping that spark lit, always.
And I can proudly admit, our bedroom is full of all kinds of magic.
Change can work for you…
In the 4.5 years we’ve been together, we’ve seen more transitions than we ever expected…
..and they just keep on coming.
Because that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.
So rather than fight it, hate it, deny it…
We’ve continually find a way to accept it, embrace it, and work with the changes rather than against them.
And now, I want to help you do the same.
You are not alone in this –
We all face the challenge of keeping the romantic intimacy thriving in our relationships.
Our daily lives are all so full that it’s difficult to slow down and connect with our partners on that very important physical level.
And although it’s an important topic, it’s not always an easy one to bring up.
So I’m doing it for you.
All you have to do is listen.
In my Take Back The Bedroom webinar, I do all the talking.
In fact, you don’t even have to watch you can just tune in to the audio.
So what are you waiting for? Let’s take back the bedroom once and for all.